Writings from the heart, is like a good cup of tea.

My sore throat just will NOT go away! QUEEEEEEE!

OK, not really sure if I like this new dealio with the mindsay. Although, I must admit, it is a lot more hi-tech. So that is a plus. But was it really necesary to change our backgrounds for us. How rude, honestly. What does everyone else think of it?

I am feeling tired

Oh, yesterday when me and my mom went to go rent a movie, I stumbled across a new release entitled, Bloom. It looks fantastic really. The main guy is the guy who played the cute little priest in "Chocolat". At first I thought it was Orli, but of course it wasn't.

Well, after work today, I broke up with David. It went well actually. It was more of a mutual agreement. So now we're just friends. I was a nervous wreck though, gosh! Honestly thouhg, I am sad. I really liked this kid, and then he just threw it all away. All well. Life sucks I guess. So many memories thouhg. Yea, I think I might cry. What's sad is, that he's not gonna stop making all the bad choices. I think that's what makes me most upset.

Did I mention that my parentals got me a new computer for my birthday? They did! With it, or when I got back from my school retreat they got me a huge computer desk along with a printer/scanner/copier! It's fantastico!!!!!! About the school retreat, I had a lot more fun that I expected. I got to know a few kids better, and now they are my friends! Very exciting really. I think I have developed a sort of liking for Jose. But it sucks because that would be considered cheating in my dictionary bercause I have not yet broken up with David yet. Also, Jose started to not talk to me 1/2 way through our retreat. I'm sort of also wondering if this is just something my head thinks I should do (being desperate, not wanting to be alone sorta thing)or if I really do like him. I have no idea! Anywho, today I had to write my stupid science fair essay, do my math packet, still haven't finished it, and go to the library. The library pretty much had nothing, it sucked! I need 3 more references for my paper. Gah! Rachel and Davis Lee came over for about 1/2 and hour, I felt so loved!!!! We looked at pictures, woo hoo. After that, I went to work to get my schedule, and I only work 2 days agina! I am so excited! *smiling* When I came home me and my mom watched The Talented Mr. Ripley! Fantastic movie! I need to write something like that. Matt Damon, not looking to good in that movie, but Jude Law, nice tush! I wish I could write something like that, it was excellent, it had such a suspesful story line! Captain Norington was in it, he was my favorite character! He was a little homo, I liked. Excpet I will never forget his last words, "Tom is choking me, you're choking me, you're choking me!" Fantastic writing! Definately want this movie!

We sooooooo lost tonight. It was pathetic, but that's ok because I bet 2 bucks we would lose with my new friend Nate, and I so won. lol. But the ambulence had to take one of the players to the hospital, that was kinda exciting. Guess who I saw though? Yep, that's right, Wes Williamson. We made eye contact, but then I almost ripped someones head off when he touched his slutty ass girlfriend. KEESTERS! I still can't talk to him, isn't that sad?!
In other news, at the game, I decided that I would call David just to make sure he was still coming over tonight, but he said he was feeling good. What a dumb excuse! He called back later and said he would be there. So, I was happy about that, until we decided he shouldn't come over because it was late and he was exhausted and he would get upset, I mean really upset, and I didn't want him to get in a car accident. Damnit! I'm never going to be able to break up with this kid, cuz I never see him! I'm so stressed!!!!!!!!

Well, not much happened today. I did finish my painting though, it looks like ish!!!!! Other news, I'm going to the football game tonight, so excited, than afterwards David is coming over cuz we need to talk! Yesterday, I went out to dinner with my parents, aunt, her gay ass b/f, my cousin and her "boyfriend". My aunt is such a bitch, honestly, she can never be happy. Can we say, "YOUR CUP IS HALF EMPTY?! Yes we can!

I don't know what to do anymore. One minute I want to break up, and the next I just want to be held in his arms. All my friends are telling and yelling at me to break up with him, and I know I should listen to their advice, but don't you think I should listen to what I think? But, how can I do that, when I don't even know what to think?! Is it because I don't want to be single, and I want the sexual pleasures? Or is it because I really DO like him? I seriously just don't know!

Hi. It's me again. So I have been thinking A LOT lately. And I think I have come to a conclusion. I think I just want to saty with David because of the sexual things. I know, I know, I deserve a slap on the hand. So, I think we need to break up. Also, do you think it's wrong to have a feelings a for a certain someone while you are "dating" someone else, and what if that someone is someone a friend of yours used to like but it didn't work out. And, what if you don't even really have feelings for this person, and you're just loenly? CONFUSED!

Man, I have not been on in grip! Too much homework, and too much stuff to do. My parentals got me a computer though which is really exciting, except we have to put internet in it as well as all the software. I'm excited! Oh, today we started painting, it was fun, but I wish I were better. Maybe when I'm done I'll have Kayla take a picture of it and post it on here, for you to see it. By the way, KAYLA I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still haven't broken up with David, and all my friends want me to, but I just can't! He cried on the phone the other night, and he never crys, it was so depressing! This Friday I'm going to a football game! YAY!!!!!!! So excited!!!!!!!! Whoooooooshkies!!!!!! So I found out this stupid slut at my school is going out with Wes! AHHHH! Doesn't that just piss you off?! Pisses me off! Damn!

Yea, ok, school sucks! I hate this year with a freaking passion! No Wes, no Shin, no Taelor! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so hard too! So much shit these teachers are giving us, it's absolutely killing me to no end! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all I can say about school at the moment. Oh, there is a rather cute senior guy named Asa. He's so hot and buff, delish! He even has Wes' old locker (i know, that's odd).
Yesterday, I saw David at work. He said he needed to talk to me, and I said I needed to talk to him. I'm guessing we both want to break up with each other. It's still very depressing though. I really miss the David I know.

What is your full name?:	Amanda Maree Stein
When is your birthday?:	September 29, 1987
What kind of music do you like?:	anything but country
Whats your favorte band(s)?:	don't have one
Whats your favorite movie(s)?:	Lord of the Rings series
Whats your favorite color(s)?:	black
Whats your favorite food?:	steak
Whos your favorite actor(s)?:	Orlando Bloom
Whos your favorite actress(es)?:	Rene Zellweger....just kidding. I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!
Whats your favorite beverage(s)?:	Dr. Pepper aka. Sr. Publix
Best friend(s)?:	Kayla
Favorite shoes to wear?:	flip flops
What's your screen name?:	DreamerGrl240
What's your email?:	DreamerGrl240@aol.com
What colors are your nails painted?:	toes: black
Do you have a boyfriend?:	i don't know, technically, yes
If no, do you want one?:
Why or why not?:
Do you like someone?:	i have feelings for him still
How much?:	not much
Do they know?:	yes
Did you tell them?:	he's my b/f ish
Do they like you?:	yes
Have you cried over this person?:	yes
How many times?:	5
Why?:	he's a pot head who gets arrested
Do you talk to him?:	yes
Are you friends with him?:	obviously
Do you have alot of the same intrests?:	no
Are you in the same school and grade?:	no
Have you ever told him your feelings on your own?:	obviously
~*~I think you should~*~
Do you think you will ever go out with this person?:	i am
Why or why not?:	gah
Have you ever told your bf(if you have one or not) you love(ed) him?:	no
Did he ever say he loves(ed) you?:	yes
When you say "i love you" do you mean it?:	haven't said it
This person you like, does he have a girlfriend?:	me
Did he reject you?:	no
Does he like someone else?:	it's possible
He only wants to stay friends?:	no
Who was your last boyfriend?:	Cory Walter
How was it?:	ok
How long did it last?:	3 months
When did you first kiss him?:	shit! i don't remember
Did he say he loves you first, or did you?:	we didn't
Did you really love him?:	no
Who was your first kiss?:	Sean Fowler, but there was no tongue
When was it?:	7th grade
Where was it?:	in a classroom
Who else were you with?:	matt riperdan, rj easter, christopher beach, and some other guy
How old were you?:	1st grade, 6th grade, 7th grade, 8th grade
How old was he?:	i dunno
Where did you and him meet?:	school
When did you start liking him?:	all in those grades
When did it seem like he started liking you?:	i dunno
Then, did he flirt with you?:	sure
Alot, really bad?:	don't member
Did you flirt with him?:	probably
Alot, really bad?:	sure
Who was your first boyfriend?:	christopher beach, but a real real b/f was cory walter
What grade were you in?:	freshman in h/s
What do you look for in a guy?:	humor, good teeth, polite, respectful, caring, understanding, sympethetic, share the same interests
~*~ okay, enough about boys~*~:
Hot or cold?:	cold
Blankets or pillows?:	blankets
Strawberrys or Watermelon?:	watermelon
Lake beach or Ocean beach?:	lake beach
Body lotion or body spray?:	body spray
Coke or pepsi?:	coke
Beer or Hard Liquor?:	hard liquor
Boat or plane?:	plane
Mexico or Hawii?:	hawaii
last question...so you smoke ANYTHING?:	nope

Mostly LOVE and BOYS brought to you by BZOINK!

OMG! I am listening to this techno cd that my friend Ian had burned for me a long time ago. It makes me feel so...free, and away from all my troubles. I just feel like I can let lose and live. It makes me feel like I'm in another world, a dream perhaps. I don't know, it's hard to explain. But as I'm listening to this, I can finally breath.

Only in China



Only in Hawaii



Only in India



Only in Mexico



Only in Texas



Only in Thailand



ONLY IN AMERICA

When you walk down the street or in shopping in the mall, or just hanging out with friends, do you ever notice that if there is a really hot guy, than his girlfirend is always drop dead gorgeuous? Most the time it's vice-versa as well. If you don't, I do. I see it all the time. It makes me think, 'what's wrong with this world'? I don't understand why this has to be. Can't people expand their horizons? Swim deeper? I don't know. It's like couples are different countries, or lanes. On the left side are the beautiful people and on the right are the not so good looking ones. We segregate ourselves. Except in movies and dreams. Perhaps that is why I love to dream or go to the cinema. I enjoy watching foreign movies. What I get from them, is that they always seem to look inside the shell rather than the outer part. They can see right through. Perhaps that is only in the movies. Thouhg, as I think about what I am saying, I realize, why do you have to have a drop dead gorgeous guy/girl to have love?

Sorry, for not updating. My computer has been a real bitch! lol. Power went out at work last night for the whole time I was there. Pretty exciting really. Probably lost a lot of food though, cuz no fridges and freezers were working. All well. On other news, David and I are probably going to break up. He got arrested. This kid needs help. I start school in 3 days. Really excited to go to the football games. Woo Hoo! Joygasm!

Had to go to work today, but as I was sitting in my car waiting to go into work, I was having a panic attack because I knew David was working. I was shaking, and I could barely breath. I know, I'm very dramatic, but who isn't? Anyways, I had to do carts right away and he didn't see me, plus I wasn't going to say anything to him, cuz I figured he needed some space. As my cart duty was ending he was leaving and he approached me. He took me aside and talked to me. He told me it wasn't my fault, he just needed some space, he was ignoring everyone. I guess something bad happened, and he didn't want to get anyone involved. Shit, I wonder what happened now? Perhaps something that involves cops??? Then, he held me. A huge burden was completely thrown off my shoulders. I told him to just take some time, and he could take however long he wanted and that if he needed anything, just to call me. We hugged again. You know thouhg, he looked like shit! He lost a lot of weight, and he just looks completely wasted. I really do think he's going to move back in with his parents. At least I hope so.

How foolish of me
to sit here and wait
like some sort of dog
waiting for a bone.
How foolish of me
to ever think
that we as one
would go far.
How foolish of me
to do it all again
hurting and crying
in loss of you.
How foolish of me
to cry your name
as I lay in bed
hoping to fall asleep.
How foolish of me
not to see this coming
just to slap me again
for the sake of heartache.
But how foolish of me
to give my heart this time
to someone I just met
because I really think I fell in love.
How foolish of me.

Yea, I'm just going to rename this week, to "The Living Hell". Shit. Ya, know, I have been thinking about it, and I have realized that this relationship is, in a way, turning into my last one. They both seemed to drop anchor at unusual times, and both times, I am clueless. Damnit, I just can't believe this is happening again. I must be so nieve to have let it happen again. How could I let myself get hurt again?